It was Supposed to Be Me
by Myka
Summary: Mikaela was supposed to be the one to fight and die, but Yu got there first.
1. Run

_Sometimes I feel… like it was supposed to be me._

 _That it was me who took the gun and ran._

 _Me who felt the pain of being pierced through the chest._

 _Me who laid on the white marble floor bleeding, gasping, and dying._

 _But it wasn't me. It was you._

* * *

"Yu-chan!" Mika's hands slipped on a puddle of blood. It was warm while Yu's skin grew cold.

"Did I get him?" Yu tried to grin, but it broke apart at the corners, turning into a pained flinch instead.

Mika looked towards the motionless body close to them. The vampire's face was a mess of blood. "You got him."

"Good. You can go now."

"What are you talking about?" Mika pulled Yu close to him. "This is my fault. I have to get you out."

"I'm gonna die, idiot. You know that. Use your head, right?

Mika felt tears trickle down his cheeks. When he gazed down Yu was looking at him, but there was no fear or sadness in his eyes.

Voices echoed far away. More vampires.

"Hurry and leave," Yu said.

Mika shook his head and reached for Yu's hand. "I'm not going. Even when I know they'll kill me. Everyone died because of me…"

"I'm going to hate you."

Mika felt something painful twist inside him.

Yu was still looking at him intently, "You have to leave." Blood marred his lips and the pool of red grew beneath him. "If you don't leave I'm going to hate you for the rest of my life or…"

"Or?"

Yu grabbed Mika's hand and squeezed it with what little strength he had left. "Or I can die happy imagining the life my family will have because of me."

Family…

He didn't want Yu to hate him. He didn't want Yu to die hating him. "Run," Yu said again, so he ran. His feet seemed to move on their own. The dirt and stone nicking away at his bare feet. He ran until he could hardly breathe and felt the sun on his skin.

Outside it was blue and quiet.

The city was broken but beautiful.

Birds chirped close by. Existing like the world hadn't ended.

Mika looked down at his hands, they were covered in Yu's blood. Still warm… What had he done? He had to go back.

"Boy…"

Mika turned around. A man with dark hair, and dark clothes approached him. He wasn't a vampire.

"Are you the one that survived like the prophecy said?"

Mika took a step back. He didn't know this person and it didn't matter. He wasn't supposed to be here.

"Whatever you're running back to is gone and you know it," the man said.

Mika froze by the entrance to the vampire city. He did know it. They were all gone. Ako, Taichi, Chihiro, Kota, Fumie, Akane, and Yu…

His family was gone and he was still here. Breathing. Heart beating. Living.

Without them.

"Come with me and I'll help you live."

Mika closed his hands into fists. The blood on them was no longer warm.

How was he supposed to keep living?


	2. Photograph

_Sometimes I wake up and for a second I forget everyone is dead._

 _That second lingers, stretches until I actually smile._

 _And then it all comes back and I remember there is nothing I have left to smile about._

* * *

"Thank you, Mikaela."

The dark haired girl's cheeks blushed slightly as she smiled when Mika handed her the notes. He smiled back and her blush deepened. The dark strands willowed behind her as she left and the smile on Mika's lips vanished.

He couldn't help being pleasant to the people around him, it was in his nature. Yet it had been a long time since any smile of his had been earnest. After all, he was here because he had nowhere else to go in this broken world.

"Are you going back to the dorms, Mikaela?"

Yoichi stopped by the door while trying to balance three large books in his hands. Mika grabbed his bag from the floor and stood. "Yes," he answered.

Yoichi hesitated at the door blocking Mika's way. "Guren said…"

Mika glared. "I don't care what Guren said." He pushed Yoichi aside and started down the hall. Why couldn't Guren just leave him alone? He didn't care about joining JIDA. He just wanted to be left in peace to live his pointless life.

It was chilly outside. Winter was just around the corner. Mika was already immune to the passing glances he received. He knew he stood out after all with his blond hair and eyes. He didn't know another single student that had a parent from a different country like he had.  
Halfway to the dorms, a familiar unwanted person blocked his path.

"I require your help with some intel," Guren said as Mika continued walking without stopping.

"You know I don't care to join or help JIDA, why do you keep bothering me?"

"You have no loyalty to the people that shelter and feed you? If you help me maybe you can finally get your revenge."

"I told you I don't care for revenge!" Mika bit back. "It's not going to bring them back. It's not going to ease my guilt."

"So you're going to live the remainder of your life with guilt? Isn't that pointless when there is no one left to forgive you."

Mika felt the bubble of rage grow inside him, but he pushed it back down. It wasn't worth it. He passed Guren and continued towards the dorms.

"I'll release you if that's what you want." Guren said.

"You can't release something that doesn't belong to you in the first place." Mika snapped. What little government remained guaranteed safe housing and basic necessities to civilians. Once he turned seventeen, he didn't need the army to survive. All he had to do was ignore Guren until his birthday.

"I will removed myself from your life then, if you want things crystal clear."

Mika stopped, his backpack slumped down his shoulders. No more nagging. No more forced meetings. No more bribes. No more reminders of what he lost. "You swear?"

Guren scoffed and started down the path that lead back to the school. "What kind of soldier would I be if I didn't keep my word?"

* * *

The classroom was one of the upper ones reserved for students committed to joining JIDA. Yoichi decided to tag along for some reason and Guren never told him he couldn't.

A petite girl with purple hair was already sitting in one of the desks, she was sorting through a batch of photographs. "I organized the files by location, sir" she said to Guren.

Guren grabbed the first batch and passed it to Mika. "Look through these and tell me if there's anyone you recognize from the vampire city."

Mika grabbed the photos, there must have been over a hundred pictures in the batch. "That's all I have to do?"

"That's it," Guren confirmed then sat on the teacher's desk, leaning back, and closing his eyes.

Mika hurried to an empty desk, the quicker he went through these photos the better. The images were not good, most were blurry, taken from far away or with shaky hands. Nothing stood out to him, but he took his time with each image, he didn't want Guren to accuse of him of not being thorough later. He was halfway done with the first batch when the purple haired girl dropped the remainder of the pictures on his desk.

"I'm Shinoa Hiragi," she introduced herself. Mika stared at her blankly. He tended to do that. Not bother with trying to meet new people. What was the point? The only reason he spoke to Yoichi at all was because they'd been stuck together in the back of the class for a whole year. Their socialization was all proximity related.

Shinoa smiled at him. Mika could tell it was fake, his smile was just the same. This girl wanted to be here as much as he did, they at least had that in common.

Mika continued sorting through the photos to the point that they began to blur together. Once or twice he thought he'd recognize one of the children that lived in the same block, but he was never sure. At least he was able to point one of the vampire guards he remembered, even though he knew that type of information was worthless to Guren or the JIDA.

"Guren said you can finish tomorrow," Yoichi interrupted. Mika blinked and glanced at the clock. Had he really been looking at photos for two hours? Yoichi and Shinoa had been conversing the entire time Mika had been searching through the pictures.

"I'll finish tonight," Mika said.

"I'm heading back then," Yoichi grabbed his books. He paused by the door as if waiting for Mika to change his mind, but Mika just kept going over the photos.

"He just wants to be your friend," Shinoa said after Yocihi had left.

"We are friends," Mika said.

"No you're not. You just speak to each other."

Mika shrugged. He didn't really care what this girl thought. He just wanted to finish looking through these pictures. He was starting to fear he wouldn't recognize anyone important, that Guren would back down on his word and continue pestering him to join JIDA.

And there it was, he'd found someone. Someone that was supposed to be dead. Mika wasn't that shocked, not really. Ferid was a vampire after all. Suppressing his surprise was easy, but the hate and desire to kill were instant, that he couldn't simply push away. Yet more than hate, he felt relieved. Finally he had something valuable for Guren, something that would make Guren keep his promise and release him—

Mika's heart skipped. Another vampire in the background of the picture caught his eye.

 _That's impossible. It's not him. He died. I saw him die…_

 _I left him to die._

Mika took deep slow breaths. Shinoa continued sorting through some files, she didn't seem to have notice his reaction, but Guren had. He didn't say anything but he was looking at Mika, waiting.

"Hey, Guren. Are you and the JIDA planning on hunting down any vampires I point out to you?" Mika asked, putting the photograph on top of the pile.

"Of course. That's what we do, we kill vampires."

Mika took a deep breath. "I'll start attending the class tomorrow then."

He didn't see it, but Guren was smirking.


	3. Yu

_When I walk through the streets, I remember things from my life._

 _Ako and Fumie singing a song._

 _Akane holding Taichi's hand._

 _Mika reaching out to me as my feet dangled over the abyss._

 _I get lost sometimes remembering these things._

 _But then I hear the sound of a frightened child, see them staring at me with wide eyes, aand I remind myself that that life doesn't exist anymore._

* * *

Krul traced her fingers across the line of vials she had finished preparing. It was so much work keeping a pet, she had to remind herself that it would be worth it in the end.

The door opened and her little pet came rushing in. He was in another one of his moods, his face scratched and bloody. His held his torn right hand with his left.

"You never learn do you?" Krul asked, she didn't mean to mock her little pet, but he needed to learn that he was severely underpowered even if he was hers.

"It was worth a shot," Yu snapped as he pressed his torn hand in place until it re-attached itself. "I thought I had him this time."

"You can't just kill Ferid by ambushing him. You need to plan and you need to get stronger."

"I'm already stronger than half the vampires in this city! Why can't I kill him?"

Krul smirked and handed him one of the vials. Yu took it and drank it all in one gulp. "You can become a little stronger if you turn into a full vampire."

"Not yet," Yu shook his head. "My body is still growing."

 _I don't want to be a child forever!_

Krul grinned. Such a vivid memory. Such a feisty pet. "Have it your way," she turned away, "I have already warned you. One day you won't be able to resist."

Yu scoffed and grabbed the rest of the vials. He could resist. He needed to get bigger and stronger to be able to kill Ferid and once he did…

"I'm sending you to Nagoya," Krul said. "If we let the humans keep doing what they are doing they could endanger the world again. What's left of your family could perish."

"My family is safe," Yu replied.

"Even if the world is turned to ash? Because that is what will happen if the humans use the Seraph of the End again."

"Like you want to use me? I don't care what you want—"

Krul's smile faded, she rushed forward and grabbed Yu by the neck, slamming his body to the floor. "You will go to Nagoya," she growled. "You can have me as your ally or you can have me as your enemy."

Yu bit his lip. It certainly was better to have Krul as an ally. She was the only one that sustained this current life of his. The only one who could give him the strength he needed to kill Ferid and complete his revenge so he could finally move on.

"Then why don't you help me get stronger so I can kill Ferid? Why don't you help me kill him?"

Krul bared her fangs. "I've told you before, I won't stop you from killing him, but he's more useful alive."

Yu glared and squirmed away from her grasp. He checked the vials in his pocket, only one had broken.

"I'll go to Nagoya, but don't expect me to do anything there. I don't care about this fight between humans and vampires."

"If the Seraph of the End is activated again, another virus could ransack the world. Mikaela could die."

"Mika is safe," Yu said.

Krul smirked. "You sound so certain. Do you know something I don't?"

Yu ignored her and left the room.

* * *

Yu flexed his right hand. It was still freaky to have a limb torn and re-attach itself like it was nothing. No matter how many times it happened he just couldn't' get used to the feeling.

His room was hidden in the basement, far away from any other vampire quarters. The other vampires mocked him and talked behind his back for being such an outcast, for having to live separately from everyone else, but Yu preferred it that way. Here nobody bothered him.

He locked the door and removed one of the bricks off the far wall, revealing a secret empty space with a wooden box inside.

He did know something Krul didn't. Why he was so certain Mika was safe.

Inside the box was a handful of pictures. Yu had no idea who had taken them, or why they had been slipped underneath his door — admittedly he'd been rather terrified of what they could mean — but nothing had happened, just more pictures that reassured him.

Mika was leading a quiet, normal life in the pictures. Going to school. Making friends. Smiling. It was what Yu told him to do, and while Yu wanted to see Mika like this. Happy. Sometimes it nagged him that he wasn't there to actually see that smile, or be the cause of it.

He missed Mika, he missed everyone, but it was better this way. As long as he had these pictures, he knew Mika was safe inside the city walls where no vampires could reach him.

The sound of paper rasping reached his ears. Yu turned to see another folder had been slipped through the gap of his door. He rushed towards it and opened it. There was nobody there. He even ran to the next floor, but whomever had left the pictures was long gone.

Yu returned to his room, locking it once again. The new picture was inside a folder like all the others had been. Yu couldn't help but feel a hint of excitement while opening it. He wondered what kind of picture would it be this time. Maybe Mika studying. Or playing sports. Maybe chatting width a new friend…

Yu's smile disappeared instantly when he saw the picture. It was Mika, and he was ok, but why? Why was he wearing the black uniform of the JIDA? What had changed?

Yu felt a knot of fright hit him. Mika had joined the army. Mika was going to leave the shelter of the city sooner or later. To fight vampires.

Mika was no longer safe.


	4. Soldier

_Black doesn't suit me._

 _I stare at my reflection and know there's nothing wrong with my uniform._

 _Every button is in place. It isn't marred by dirt or grime._

 _Yet I can't help but think…_

 _The person in the mirror looking back at me, isn't me._

* * *

"Well done, Mikaela."

Mika put his sword back on its sheath and wipe away the sweat from his forehead. Four hours ago, Guren had told him to go spar with Major General Shinya Hiragi, a very strange request. Stranger still was the fact that the General was actually waiting for him in the middle of nowhere where Guren had he'd be.

"When Guren said you just decided to join I expected it would take months to train you, but it seems you're already as good as or better than most of the trainees ready to fully join JIDA."

"That's why he asked me to fight you right? If so, you're not very good with a sword."

"Aha," Shinya was amused. "You'd be correct about that," he put the blade away and made his demon appear in a burst of flame.

Mika didn't flinch when the rifle was pointed at him. "Is that enough? Or do you need to see more?" Mika asked.

Shinya called his demon back. "You pass, but..." Mika put his hands back on the handle of his blade, but Shinya didn't attack. He just pursed his lips. "Why did you change your mind about joining?"

For a moment, Mika thought about walking away without answering, but without Shinya's word, joining JIDA would take longer. Could he trust this man with the truth?

No.

No one could know what he was really looking for.

"I can't forget what the vampires did to my family. I tried, but I just can't."

"Guren told me the nightmares had stopped more than a year ago."

Mika looked away. "I started having them again." That wasn't exactly a lie. Visions of blood and voices haunted him for years. He thought they would never stop until it drove him to madness, but they stopped. To the point Mika felt remorse for not having them, like he was forgetting his family. He'd actually wondered if he would live long enough to the point the people that once were his entire world would be nothing but faded memories. It only took one blurry picture, and the nightmares came back.

Mika turned around, and noticed someone watching them from a distance. Speak of the devil.

"That's enough right?" Mika hollered.

Guren slowly made his way to them. Shinya sighed.

"You still need to acquire a black demon," Guren stopped a few feet away from Mika.

"Just give me one of the other demons. The easy ones."

"You won't survive long with one of those. I won't permit you to get anything else other than a black demon weapon. I won't sign the papers. If you want another type of demon you'll just have to wait until you turn seventeen."

Mika bit his lip and pushed the anger down. He and Guren had always clashed in some way. Their personalities on completely different wavelengths, but he'd never been downright demanding. Never forced him to join the army, took care of him those first months he couldn't shake the nightmares, stopped him from going back to Sanguinem…

He couldn't wait until he turned seventeen. Even if the picture he saw wasn't real. He couldn't just wait months. He couldn't— but using a black demon meant…

Was he going to stop being human?

Mika looked up. The clouds looked turbulent. "Where do I go?"

* * *

The room was cold.

It wasn't because there was a breeze from outside or air running from the vents. It was just cold because there were things in the room that lived on the life force of others.

Mika stared at the blade in front of him. Dark chains wrapped around it. It was the only weapon in the room, which Mika found odd, but in the end it didn't matter. He'd always preferred blades after all.

Guren and Shinya sat at the foot of the steps, waiting. Mika didn't need to ask what they were waiting for.

To dispose of him if he failed to control the demon.

Mika looked at the sword again, he could hear it whispering to him, calling him… He didn't want to do this. Why couldn't he just go out as he was? He was strong, he was familiar with the viciousness of vampires. Why did he have to let a demon possess him?

 _I'll give you power…_

Mika bit his lip. He knew the answer to that. Without this power, he would die very quickly out there. His hand dug into his pocket and pulled out a bended photograph. He had stolen it after pointing out Ferid to Guren. He hadn't said anything about the dark haired blur in the background and he was never telling. This was his secret. He kept the picture to remind himself.

That he didn't want to stop being human, but — for Yu — he was going to. With a deep breath, Mika put the picture back in his pocket and pulled the cursed sword from its sheath.

"Mika."

Mika turned around at the sound of his name. A sleeping Yuichirou was lying next to him. His face scrunched into a scowl, fuzzing, he was having another nightmare.

A chorus of sighs and soft breaths surrounded Mika. He could feel the hardwood floor beneath him through the thin futon. He was home again. With Akane, Chihiro, Taichi, Ako, Fumie, Kota, and Yu.

Yu whimpered and shifted. Mika reached out and placed his palm on the top of Yu's head like he always did. The restlessness of the other boy abated and Yu slowly opened his eyes.

Mika held in a breath. It had been so long since he'd seen that green.

"Was I having another nightmare?" Yu frowned.

Mika nodded.

Yu sighed and closed his eyes. Perhaps trying to fall asleep again. Mika just watched him. "I dreamt that a vampire killed everyone and I ran away." Yu opened his eyes once more.

Mika slowly rose to his knees, his heart thumped loudly. Yu smiled at him, but it wasn't right.

A small hand touched his own. Mika turned and saw Chihiro next to him. Everyone was awake. Resting on their knees, watching, smiling. "Hey, Mika." Chihiro asked. "We're not going anywhere are we?" Mika felt something between his fingers and pulled it up. It was the map he'd stolen from Ferid.

"We're going to stay here forever right?" Taichi chipped in.

"All of us together." Akane added.

"Take my hand, Mika." Yu leaned forward until his forehead rested on Mika's. "Don't take us to our deaths."

Mika stood up hastily and put some distance between himself and his family. No, not his family. The demon…

"I know it's my fault they're dead. You don't need to remind me." Mika said out loud. All the kids smiled, before becoming ghostly blurs in front of him, all but Yu.

The demon smiled using Yu's face.

"Ah, you acknowledge your guilt and live with it, but your heart is not entirely shielded from it. There is a recent darkness inside it. It is a small, new type of guilt, but it's there…"

The demon lost its form again. Surrounded Mika in darkness. Then reshaped in front of him, matched his height, his age…

"Mika. This is what happened because you left me." Yu smiled sadly. He had grown up like Mika, but his skin lacked life, and his eyes were not green.

 _It's not real_ , Mika reminded himself. "It's not re—"

"I was lying when I told you to go."

Mika took a deep slow breath. "You're not Yu."

"It's your fault I became this."

Mika looked up, anger replacing the pain in his heart. "Yu would never say that."

The demon smiled, Mika's heart started hurting again. "But… with your strength I can find out if he's really still alive, if he's still human or not."

The demon came closer, whispered in his ear. "What will you do if you find him?"

"I don't know, but I need to find out and I'm not strong enough like this."

The demon's façade melted away becoming something ghostly. "Sounds interesting. I wonder what you will do if you really find this person. He's everywhere in your thoughts. I'll give you my strength, but if your heart falters I will make your body my own."

"If my heart falters…" Mika sighed. He couldn't afford to think of what could happen. He needed to keep going forward. He'd already made his decision.

The demon's form changed again. This time becoming a young lad with messy purple hair. "I look forward to seeing if you find what you're looking for." The demon offered his hand. Mika didn't reach for it. "So afraid to stop being human that you won't even touch my hand?" The demon grinned. "It doesn't' matter if you do or not... you are already not human."


End file.
